Broken stem

I have always wondered why people drink alcoholic stuff when something’s bothering them.
I have always thought that it would be better if they have a clear head at times like that. Decisions when you are intoxicated aren’t always the best.
Having this strange liquid, at least for me, gives me an extra kick of confidence boost.

I have always wondered how things would go for me I were more confident. Probably won’t be where I was now. Probably in a better place.
I know beer doesn’t cure anything but somehow it makes me think that I am something more. That I am a better person. And it’s great at times. It's always great to think that you are more awesome than others even just for a bit. Specially for someone who doesn't have anything else to offer anyway. I don't have the brains. The looks. The confidence. I was told though that I am a good person though, but that can't really bring me anywhere.

It's probably the best if I stop reaching for something that I can't have.
Even with my long arms, no matter how hard I extend them, always comes short.

I have decided to stop chasing for something I can't have.
It's not really good to keep chasing something forever anyway.


If I don't stop and cut it... a new one wouldn't grow.

“I wonder if someday I will forget the smell of his brown hair, the feeling of his cold ears, and the warmth from his back… I wonder if even this pain will all disappear and be forgotten. All of it. With nothing left behind. Almost like there was nothing there from the beginning.”

— Ayumi Yamada, Honey and Clover

Sweet drink

I remember hearing something like this: "Beer (or alcohol) taste sweet when you're feeling sad or down. Bitter when you're ok"

I can't really remember where I heard it but I'm pretty sure that's the thought or idea.

A couple of months ago I decided to stop myself from drinking beer. I'm not alcoholic but I do enjoy having a bottle or two after work. I don't know, maybe psychological but it makes me feel more good in a way. And no I don't need people around me or going to bars just to drink. I was successful though in my small attempt to resist the said liquid, of course breaking it with a bottle if there's any important events like meeting up with old friends.

As I type this I am enjoying a cold can. And it feel so good. Then I remember the line I mentioned. Am I sad that I am enjoying this bitter drink? I took another swig and it did taste a little sweeter.

A friend told me about this job in an advertising company. When I heard about it, I immediately wanted to try it out. This might be the opportunity that I have been waiting for. It could change everything, I can finally follow the career path that I have been wanting for years.

I just find it funny how the timing was, yet again so off. I heard it when I am currently doing good in my recent job. If this was offered last year, I would have applied without thinking twice. But now, I can say I am happy with where I am. This job is something that I can settle with for now and I have no plans of leaving it just yet.

Don't you find it annoying. Really.

Why not last year? Why now? Why now when I feel that I am already rusty with what I know about the field. Somehow I don't wanna try risking anything. It feels better when you're on the safe side.

It got me to thinking that maybe I'm just afraid.
Afraid that if I tried it and failed, it will hit me twice as hard. It'll hurt way more knowing that you ain't good in what you are passionate about.
Like it'll probably suck more than not trying yeah?

I'm probably off better in ranting about stuff.
And fuck my writing is so bad now.


Just because you want something, just because it's your dream, it doesn't mean you're great at it ~

Cheers to life and it's fucking choices.

4th prize

Weekend. Holiday on Monday and Tuesday. Quota reached. I have four days to sit back, relax, and do whatever. None actually but bum around and surf the net, read random old books (since I don’t have any new ones), and see what’s happening on the boob tube.

I think I’m too engrossed with Kpop that I don’t even know what’s happening. I don’t read newspapers anymore and I don’t watch the news that often. Too annoyed to hear anything negative when you get home tired from work.

My recent job, I like it. Not really my field but I’m ok with it now. Not that great but it’s pretty good.

We can’t get everything we want in life anyway. But there’s always a consolation.

I may not be where I want to be, but the pay is ok, the people I work with are cool, schedule is good too, company’s pretty laidback. I may rant and complain all I want but I actually think I wouldn’t want to swap it to a high paying job where I would work on graveyard shifts.

I didn’t win the first prize but rather got 4th prize. Not as great but hey, who am I to complain.

Tired. Should sleep soon.

Cheers to my long weekend! :)

Back for good?

I suddenly have the urge to make a new blog but couldn't decide on a domain name. But then why not just continue on with the first blog I made years ago.

I just hope I have the inspiration to write just like before.

I know I'm not the best writer out there but writing is a good way to express those hidden feelings/ideas/whatever.
I haven't written anything for a long time and I know my writing is so rusty now. Probably worse than how I was before. Who cares, this is my page anyway.

- I almost forgot how I hate blogger's compose/posting thingy whatever you call it. >_>